April 16, 2025 Fairness in Parenting
"If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn't eat him."
- Unknown
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Listen to this meditation on audio:
I may have an uncommon sense of fairness. Being treated fairly, and treating others fairly has always been a high priority for me, even as a very young man. Seeing someone being mistreated has never sat well with me. Consequently, in my dealings with others, at whatever level, fairness is at the center of my interactions. During 14 wonderful years of teaching, I was able to help hundreds of high school dropout kids receive their diplomas and GEDs. That was some of the most personally rewarding work I have ever done. However, during those enjoyable years of teaching, I saw numerous occasions during which parents and grandparents were being taken advantage of and sometimes verbally abused by their children or grandchildren. I repeatedly noticed how well dressed in the latest sneakers, fancy outfits and technology gadgets, these students were. The puzzling thing for me was this question. "In what universe would a child of mine have all the latest stuff and not have performed well enough to finish high school on time? There is no universe in my reality, where that would ever happen! My sense of fairness would never have an equation where my child gets whatever they want and I as the parent, am not getting what I want. That should not and would not happen. So, parents and grandparents, please take heed. Here's your mantra to repeat to your children or your grandchildren. "When I start getting what I want, you start getting what you want." If that mantra sounds too harsh for you, then you should consider enrolling in somebody's Parenting 101 class. Sidenote: I am constructing just such a course that should be available within the next 60 days at a nominal fee, under $40. In the meantime, remember, you are not a doormat for your children to tread on. You are a parent. You deserve respect from those you are housing, feeding, educating, and constantly caring for. If you receive love as well, count that a bonus. Let's close with this: repeat after me; "Fairness is a two-way street. My children get some of what they want, if and only if, I get what I want i.e. reasonable grades, completion of chores and respectful behavior. Anything less is unacceptable and will not be rewarded. PERIOD!"
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