February 20, 2026 Dating: Shared Values (The Big Rocks) - Chemistry Starts It, Values Sustain It
“If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.” — Jon Stewart
Listen to, or read this meditation:
Chemistry is loud.
Values are loyal.
A lot of people date like they’re shopping when they’re hungry—everything looks good, everything sounds good, and next thing you know…
you’ve committed to something that tastes sweet but doesn’t give you nourishment.
If you want long‑term, you have to get honest about what you’re building.
Because the goal isn’t to find a woman who likes the same music.
The goal is to find a woman who wants the same kind of life.
Here’s where values actually show up
Values show up in the unromantic places:
how she handles money
how she handles family
what she believes about faith, integrity, and responsibility
how she treats time
how she deals with conflict
what she thinks a home is for
Here’s the danger:
Two people can have strong attraction and still have a mismatched direction.
And when direction is mismatched, love turns into tug‑of‑war.
One wants stability, the other wants constant novelty.
One wants teamwork, the other wants independence with benefits.
One wants peace, the other needs drama to feel alive.
That’s not “opposites attract.”
That’s two compasses pointing different ways.
Don’t fear real conversations
Do you need identical values? No.
But you do need alignment on the big rocks - the values.
Because long‑term love is not a date. It’s a life.
So don’t be afraid to talk about real things early. Not like a job interview—but like two adults deciding whether they’re compatible builders.
Try questions like:
“What does a good life look like to you?”
“What does loyalty mean to you?”
“How do you handle money stress?”
“What’s your relationship with family boundaries?”
A woman with your values won’t run from those questions.
She’ll respect you more for asking.
Action Step
Write your top five values—and define each as a behavior (not just a word).
Below is a Downloadable PDF Worksheet so you can take Action
Title: The Big Rocks Compatibility Worksheet
Here’s what’s inside (PDF):
Values list + “what it looks like in real life” lines
Compatibility areas: faith, money, family, conflict, lifestyle, health, purpose
“Dealbreakers vs. Preferences” sorting box
Download here: [The Big Rocks Compatibility Worksheet]
How to use it: Fill it out before your next serious dating conversation.
Reply and tell me: If it helped you, tell me this:
Which value surprised you when you wrote it down—and what did it change about how you date?
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